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Adoptive Parents:
What is the first step to adoption?We encourage people to find an agency to aid in the adoption process. Many states allow private social workers to complete home studies, but most states do not allow non-agencies to complete post placement services. We want to help you find an agency that you believe is honest, cares, and is a good fit for you. That agency should give you individualized services and have experience specifically in adoption. We encourage you to SHOP around. Request a copy of our mini-book, Welcome to the World of Adoption, for more information on how to get started. Then what do I do?After you have located an agency to work with, the first step is to complete the home study process. This is not just a look at your home. The home study process includes things like medical checks, child abuse and criminal clearance, references, validation of income, and an assessment of marital stability, moral character, ability to parent, etc. Why do I have to go through all of this? Parents who give birth to children aren't assessed.That is a good question. It seems very unfair that people who "can't even take care of a pet" are so fertile, while "good" families are infertile. Unfortunately, a license is not required to be a birth parent. Being a country based on individual rights, the child welfare system is built on the inalienable rights of BIRTH parents. However, in the social work profession, we have an obligation to try to protect those children who are adopted, particularly outside of their families. Therefore, we must "check out" all adoptive families. The amount of financial resources, how pretty a "portfolio" is, and how nice the birth mother letter sounds, does not necessarily make good parents. Each state has developed criteria to try to screen out the "bad" parents. That is the criteria used in your "home study." What is the birth letter and portfolio?The birth letter is a letter written to the birth parent that gives them insight into your personality. The portfolio is your pictures that show you and your family having a good time. Our agency has not traditionally used these two items as a way for birth mothers to select a family to parent her child. Our agency believes that birth mothers should use more than these two items to pick a family. How creative the photo pages look, or the eloquence of a letter does not necessarily make a good parent. However, because of the prevalence in using "portfolios" and birth letters in the adoption field, we are now offering them to those mothers who request them. If you decide to work with our agency, we will help you with these items. How do birth mothers select their adoptive families?Our process is to first talk to the birth mother about her "fantasy" family. Where do they live? Do they have other children? What is their religion? These types of questions. We do not ask each girl every question. Then, when she has determined what is important in the selection of the family, we present a number of families (verbally) that have some of the characteristics that the birth mother is looking for. In a later session, she is allowed to ask specific questions such as, "why did they say they want to adopt?" Or, "how does the rest of the family feel about adoption?" We provide direct quotes from the adoptive parents (if available) and then let her choose the family based on what is important in the parenting of her child. Then, if she requests them, we provide the birth letter and pictures. She may ask to meet the adoptive parents or talk to them on the phone. I'm not sure I want her to know where I am. Can't we get a closed adoption?Yes, you may opt for an emergency closed adoption. Some birth parents do NOT want to meet the adoptive parents or have any information about them. However, this has to be a mutual agreement on the part of the adoptive and birth parents. In all adoptions, we do not disclose identifying information (last names, addresses, etc.) unless there is an agreement on the part of the adoptive parents. However, there is the technology available to track almost anyone, if the birth parent chooses. What is more important is that the birth parent feels so comfortable with their choice, they have no desire to "track you down." How do you get the birth parent to be that comfortable?As licensed social workers, and as a licensed agency, that is our job. We provide counseling to the birth parents to aid in their decision. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. Usually this is not a problam because adoptive parents send update letters and/or pictures which allows the birth parents to see that they made the right choice. Additional questions?Please contact us at Katie Bolt-Goeke
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